"Why? Did you step on a blog or something?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"Ouch. My cousin did that in San Diego. It sucked."
Maybe if I wanted to ghetto-fy it, it would be my "blawg" but I sortof like Wesley Bloggs. It's catchy and more than a little clever.
I read an article the other day written by a guy who was sick of incredibly pretentious movie critics and I have to agree. I have yet to enjoy a movie that was "critically acclaimed" but I really don't like those over-the-top, huge budget, heavy on the CGI movies (think Lord Of The Rings) that all those snotty critics hate. My taste in movies lies somewhere in the middle: a normal movie-goer. But I think I'm something of an intellectual movie watcher and not the least bit pretentious in my honest opinion of what I did and did NOT like. I know most people my age and with my average income don't have the time, or would just rather not spend the money on first-run movies in theaters. Not to mention, who the hell wants to listen to someone 4 rows back yacking into their damn cell phone every 20 minutes?!
"Hey. No, I can't talk. No, I'm at the movies..."
Then shut up, butthole! But, I digress. As I was saying, most people who are like me (which is a surprisingly high portion of the population) have either a Netflix membership or go to Blockbuster or Hollywood Video regularly or even order stuff OnDemand. Nothing compares to enjoying a good movie in your own home, in nothing but your underwear and comfy pants, and being able to pause it when you gotta get up and go pee. So with my NetFlix membership, I've decided to give people some regular input on which movies I really enjoyed and which ones I'd group in with The Fast & The Furious. I'll start on a good review...
THE MIST
Theatrical Release: November 2007
Genre: Horror or Thriller or whatever Hollywood calls these nowadays
Subgenre: Stephen King adaptation!
Starring: The guy who played the male love interest in The Sweetest Thing; A cute, but easily forgotten blond; A dark-haired actress named Marcia Gay Harden who I recognize but don't remember from anything; Random actors playing northern Maine hicks; Bonus: Big-eared Opie from Major Payne!
I'm only a marginal Stephen King fan but this movie absolutely blew me away. I thought I'd come out of it thinking it was ho-hum and kinda dry (like most book adaptations) but NOT AT ALL. Unlike most movies made from books, this one seemed to follow King's story very closely, which I think more movies are doing nowadays to keep with the intended emotion the story was originally trying to convey. THE MIST is about a group of Maineians (Maineites? Maineiacs?) trapped inside a grocery store when a mysterious, otherworldly mist descends upon the small town after a wicked bad stahm. If you like movies over-wrought with computer added images, there's quite a fair amount in this one, but not so overdone that it detracts from the movie itself (like the Eric Bana version of The Hulk did). The things that come out of the mist (the really scary ones anyway) are mostly obscured BY the mist, which gives the movie a very "Jesus Christ, what the hell is out there?!" kind of feeling. I got goose bumps on more than one occasion. There's quite a bit of blood and some comical bumbling local hicks but the overall feel of the movie is dread. Inescapable, apocalyptic dread. My wife said she knew the movie sucked but let me say this: She didn't even WATCH it! She sat upstairs on the couch and listened to the audio only. Well, guess what? If you listen to just the audio on Pokemon cartoons, it sounds a little too much like gay porn. But that doesn't mean it IS what you think it IS. So there. Take that, Jessi.
I had to Google the movie's screenwriter, Frank Darabont, since I felt he did such a good job taking the original ending of the story and making it even BETTER. **SPOILER ALERT** In the "novella" (as the closing credits call it), the troupe that escapes the grocery store drives off into the mist and it closes on them just driving. You assume that the mist has engulfed the world and it's hopeless. Not a bad ending but don't you want something else? Plus, that's no way to end a movie. SO Darabont, who's adapted a couple of King's stories apparently (The Green Mile, Shawshank), added on to the ending of an already great story. Now you'd think this would typically suck, taking another man's vision and trying to add to it. But the ending of the movie The Mist is gut-wrenching. I know I rang the spoiler alert siren but I think I'm just gonna keep the actual ending a secret. It's WAY better than I expected. Without any exaggeration, I'd say it was one of the best, if not THE best ending to any movie, ever. Not as good as The Sixth Sense ending but c'mon, that was genius. The Mist would be a close second.
Overall: 9 out of 10
Best Scene: My favorite is when the Bible-beater encounters the easily-forgotten blond (what was her name again?) in the bathroom and the blond says, "If you need a friend, you can talk to me." and her response: "Tell you what. The day I need a friend like you, I'll just have myself a little squat and shit one out..."
What my wife said about it: "Everyone knows that movie sucked."
Who would enjoy this movie: People who can take a good story. Not a good date movie. The ending would probably make most people squirm or at the very least, just uncomfortable.
Watch it if you like: Stephen King movies. Movies that lay out possible post-apocalyptic scenarios (I Am Legend, The Postman, Mad Max, etc...)
Next In My Netflix Q: There Will Be Blood and then The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy
**Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and iMDB for various reference sources**
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