Theatrical Release: June 1985... And the 80's are in maximum overdrive for this one...Genre: Family Comedy Adventure
Sub-Genre: Nostalgic movies from your childhood
Starring: The best cast from the 80's ever! Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Corey Feldman, Ke Huy Quan, Jeff Cohen, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, the old lady from Throw Momma From The Train, Robert Davi, Joey Pants, and of course, John Matuszak as Sloth...
Overview: Is there anyone who doesn't know this storyline? Some kids from the lower-middle-class part of town who are about to have their houses torn down by people from the upper-middle-class part of town go on one final adventure after they find a treasure map in Mikey's attic. The route to One-Eyed Willy's pirate treasure is rife with booby twaps ("That's what I said, booby twaps! B'quiet! Shh!"), not to mention the robbers who are chasing them. Adventures abound, Josh Brolin wears a kickass head bandana the entire time, and Baby Ruth's are enjoyed.
Finally! A family film that opens with a prison suicide! And that's just one example of how watching this movie as an adult allows a different perspective from when you were a kid. Steven Spielberg and Richard Donner came together to make this truly spectacular film that, on the surface, seems like a movie for Tweenagers (before there was such a god awful demographic) but after you dig a little deeper and pay closer attention to the dialogue and the jokes you skipped over as a kid, you have something even better: A movie for adults that just happens to star a bunch of kids. It's almost as if Spielberg had the premonition that the kids who watched The Goonies in 1985 would be the adults who still loved it in 2009. Of course, being a little smarter and a lot older, I noticed a few things this time around that went zooming over my head at age 7. Like Mouth's translation for the Spanish housekeeper involves telling her to separate the marijuana from the cocaine, speed, and heroin. And the statue that Chunk breaks in Mikey's living room? It's the statue of Michelangelo's David and the next 15 minutes are spent with 12-year-olds trying to reattach a plaster dick onto a statue until Josh Brolin tells them it's on upside-down and if God put it on that way, we'd all be pissing in our faces... Family film!
Huge Gaping Plothole: How is a 17th century map still accurate 350 years later? And it leads them to a restaurant? How old is that restaurant? And when they built said restaurant, didn't anyone
notice the tunnel leading somewhere? They must have because they conveniently built the fireplace right on top of the tunnel opening. Not 6 inches or 6 feet off the mark but right on top. But like I said, the 7-year-old in me ignores this. But the 30-year-old is like, "What the fu...?" And one more little nit-picky detail... When Mouth translates the map from Spanish into English, the verses are phonetically parallel and they rhyme. You ever translate Spanish into English? It doesn't go so smooth. But again, it's cool, I love this movie.
Also, a quick reality check... In the end, after the kids rode One-Eyed Willy's Wild Waterslide(!) and they find the hidden pirate ship, the giant cave is illuminated by... What, exactly? It's a cave. But it's like daylight in that place. But... It's cool.
Something I noticed but couldn't begin to appreciate until my later years is the obvious nod to Rube Goldberg. All the crafty booby twaps seem to be Goldberg drawings come to life. And my favorite new-found appreciation for this movie is the location: Astoria, Oregon. For years, I've told my wife that if I won the lottery or if I ever needed to just disappear, I'd pack all our stuff and head to Astoria. It's such a picture-perfect town. I'm sure it's overrun by citiots and Goonie Nuts every summer. It's also the same town where they filmed Short Circuit and Kindergarten Cop. I wanna move there and bitch about the tourists all the time. Or at least visit once and become the tourist I hope to bitch about someday. I'd make sure I was a particularly over-the-top breed of Hawaiian shirt with khaki shorts wearing, picture taking idiot, too. I'd cruise the streets on a Segway I'd specially modified to look like Johnny 5, alternating between screaming "Hey you guuuuyyyss!" and "It's not a tumah!" I'd be such a jackass. On second thought, maybe I'll just keep saving my money to retire there...
And here's something else from the movie I found even funnier as a grown-up... The pirate's name is One-Eyed Willy. How do you not turn that into a dick joke?! The name 'One-Eyed Willy' is said 17 times in the film and each time I giggled at myself. At one point, Mikey says, "I did it. I beat you, One-Eyed Willy!" and I fell off my bed I was laughing so hard.
But in all seriousness, I love this movie so much. Even the melodramatic scene in the wishing well where Corey Feldman, fresh from his Over Acting class, proclaims, "This is my wish, my dream. And I'm taking it back. I'm taking 'em all back." You can't help but feel good every time this movie is on TBS, TNT, AMC, or some other basic cable channel where they play 8 minutes of commercials for every 7 minutes of movie. And I know when you were a kid, you and your friends used to play Goonies and go roam the neighborhood on your bikes looking for pirate treasure until that one day down by the railroad track when you found that hobo's body and you and your friends never played Goonies anymore... Just me? Well, you get my drift(er's corpse)... There's just something heart-warming about this movie. About a time when you were a kid and your biggest concern was never Jonas Brothers tickets or whether your parents got you a cell phone or not, but just having an adventure. You never tried too hard to grow up so fast. You rode your bike outside and made fun of the fat kid (nowadays, everyone's the fat kid). It wasn't about one-upping your friends, it was about helping them. It was about your time as a kid and believing that if you tried hard enough and really believed, there was pirate treasure out there. Where that magic is now, I don't know. But thank God for The Goonies, so every now and again you can drag your inner child out, dust off your Huffy, and go on an adventure.
I figured you would appreciate knowing what happened to the cast of the film... Some of them you've seen around and said, "Hey, it's Data!" and some of them dropped off the (pirate) map. But I did some snooping and listed below is a quick post-Goonies bio on each actor. If you click on the characters name, the link will take you to a recent photo of that person. Yes, even Sloth. (Hit the back button to come back to this website) Please to enjoy...
Mikey - (Sean Astin) - Sean Astin, who apparently refers to himself as "a fat Sean Penn", had some marginal success after The Goonies. He starred in the title role of Rudy in 1993, took some minor roles in other movies here and there, starred in a season of 24, and most notably played a chubby, co-dependent hobbit in all of the Lord Of The Rings movies.
Brandon - (Josh Brolin) - The son of actor James Brolin (who should play Billy Mays in the movie of his life), Josh had a rough go of things in the 90's but since the turn of the century, his career has exploded. With leading roles in movies like No Country For Old Men, W., and Milk (for which he was Oscar-nominated), and supporting roles in American Gangster, Grindhouse, and Hollow Man, he easily wins the Most Successful Goonie Award. As icing on the cake, he's also married to smokin' hot actress, Diane Lane, proving that you can have a monumentally successful acting career, despite Former Child Star Syndrome. So suck it, Dustin Diamond!
Data - (Ke Huy Quan) - Jonathan Ke Quan, as he now prefers to be called, has had quite a lucrative career since The Goonies. As a matter of fact, even before this movie, he was already on his way up in Hollywood, thanks to his first role as Short Round in Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom. Quan can now be seen as the young incarnation of Sulu in the new Star Trek movie... I totally made that up but you're such a racist for believing it! You didn't think twice about it, did you? Asian guy = Data from 'The Goonies' = Sulu from 'Star Trek' = Jackie Chan. Well they're NOT all the same guy, alright?! Actually, Quan only made those two movies and went to on to get his education in film from the University of Southern California. He's also done some behind-the-scenes work as a fight choreographer for the X-Men movies. And that part, i didn't make up. (That might explain Wolverine's 'Pinchers Of Power!' move...)
Mouth - (Corey Feldman) - Feldman went on to be the second most successful actor out of this film. In fact, according to IMDb, there were only 6 movies made between 1984 and 1988 that did not star Corey Feldman. Unfortunately, Corey's love of cocaine, being annoying, and dancing like Michael Jackson eventually led to his downfall. And unlike some other child stars who learned to take responsibility for their own actions, Feldman never really bounced back. He enjoyed some brief popularity recently when A&E aired a reality show starring himself and his 80's partner-in-crime, Corey Haim, called The Two Corey's. Here's an awesome video of Feldman that's gonna be the reason he gets his ass kicked when he goes back to jail for a drug-related charge.
Nothing says "I love you!" like screaming it in her face!
Andy - (Kerri Green) - Kerri went on to star with the other Corey (Haim) in the movie Lucas and pretty much disappeared after that. She graduated from Vassar, got married, shit out some kids, and did a movie called Complacent that I'll never watch.
Stef - (Martha Plimpton) - Martha survived the 80's, fortunately. She continues to work in smaller roles in independent films and foreign movies nobody's seen. You've probably seen her on episodes of 'ER' as well 'Law & Order: SVU' and said to yourself, "I know her from somewhere..." She's doing just fine, thank you, and hasn't aged a day.
Chunk - (Jeff Cohen) - Jeff grew up, started playing football, lost a lot of weight, then went to UCLA law school. He's now an "entertainment lawyer" (I think those guys are the reason you have to pay to download music now) with his own firm in Los Angeles. Jerry O'Connell, he's not, but at least Chunk didn't default to hookers and blow like a lot of child stars. So suck it, Leif Garrett!
Sloth - (John Matuszak) - In case you didn't know this about Sloth, those are not his real facial features. I grew up believing this poor deformed man somehow managed to drag himself out of the basement he was confined to and into an audition for the only role he could ever play. Turns out John Matuszak was a defensive end for the Oakland Raiders from 1976-1981 and he helped them win two Super Bowls. Without any facial disfiguration. So I guess it was all makeup. Unfortunately, John passed away in 1989 from an apparent combination of too much Darvocet, a little cocaine, and a case of pneumonia. Watch for the scene where Sloth is wearing an Oakland Raiders shirt...
Huge Gaping Plothole: How is a 17th century map still accurate 350 years later? And it leads them to a restaurant? How old is that restaurant? And when they built said restaurant, didn't anyone
notice the tunnel leading somewhere? They must have because they conveniently built the fireplace right on top of the tunnel opening. Not 6 inches or 6 feet off the mark but right on top. But like I said, the 7-year-old in me ignores this. But the 30-year-old is like, "What the fu...?" And one more little nit-picky detail... When Mouth translates the map from Spanish into English, the verses are phonetically parallel and they rhyme. You ever translate Spanish into English? It doesn't go so smooth. But again, it's cool, I love this movie.Also, a quick reality check... In the end, after the kids rode One-Eyed Willy's Wild Waterslide(!) and they find the hidden pirate ship, the giant cave is illuminated by... What, exactly? It's a cave. But it's like daylight in that place. But... It's cool.
Something I noticed but couldn't begin to appreciate until my later years is the obvious nod to Rube Goldberg. All the crafty booby twaps seem to be Goldberg drawings come to life. And my favorite new-found appreciation for this movie is the location: Astoria, Oregon. For years, I've told my wife that if I won the lottery or if I ever needed to just disappear, I'd pack all our stuff and head to Astoria. It's such a picture-perfect town. I'm sure it's overrun by citiots and Goonie Nuts every summer. It's also the same town where they filmed Short Circuit and Kindergarten Cop. I wanna move there and bitch about the tourists all the time. Or at least visit once and become the tourist I hope to bitch about someday. I'd make sure I was a particularly over-the-top breed of Hawaiian shirt with khaki shorts wearing, picture taking idiot, too. I'd cruise the streets on a Segway I'd specially modified to look like Johnny 5, alternating between screaming "Hey you guuuuyyyss!" and "It's not a tumah!" I'd be such a jackass. On second thought, maybe I'll just keep saving my money to retire there...And here's something else from the movie I found even funnier as a grown-up... The pirate's name is One-Eyed Willy. How do you not turn that into a dick joke?! The name 'One-Eyed Willy' is said 17 times in the film and each time I giggled at myself. At one point, Mikey says, "I did it. I beat you, One-Eyed Willy!" and I fell off my bed I was laughing so hard.
But in all seriousness, I love this movie so much. Even the melodramatic scene in the wishing well where Corey Feldman, fresh from his Over Acting class, proclaims, "This is my wish, my dream. And I'm taking it back. I'm taking 'em all back." You can't help but feel good every time this movie is on TBS, TNT, AMC, or some other basic cable channel where they play 8 minutes of commercials for every 7 minutes of movie. And I know when you were a kid, you and your friends used to play Goonies and go roam the neighborhood on your bikes looking for pirate treasure until that one day down by the railroad track when you found that hobo's body and you and your friends never played Goonies anymore... Just me? Well, you get my drift(er's corpse)... There's just something heart-warming about this movie. About a time when you were a kid and your biggest concern was never Jonas Brothers tickets or whether your parents got you a cell phone or not, but just having an adventure. You never tried too hard to grow up so fast. You rode your bike outside and made fun of the fat kid (nowadays, everyone's the fat kid). It wasn't about one-upping your friends, it was about helping them. It was about your time as a kid and believing that if you tried hard enough and really believed, there was pirate treasure out there. Where that magic is now, I don't know. But thank God for The Goonies, so every now and again you can drag your inner child out, dust off your Huffy, and go on an adventure.I figured you would appreciate knowing what happened to the cast of the film... Some of them you've seen around and said, "Hey, it's Data!" and some of them dropped off the (pirate) map. But I did some snooping and listed below is a quick post-Goonies bio on each actor. If you click on the characters name, the link will take you to a recent photo of that person. Yes, even Sloth. (Hit the back button to come back to this website) Please to enjoy...
Mikey - (Sean Astin) - Sean Astin, who apparently refers to himself as "a fat Sean Penn", had some marginal success after The Goonies. He starred in the title role of Rudy in 1993, took some minor roles in other movies here and there, starred in a season of 24, and most notably played a chubby, co-dependent hobbit in all of the Lord Of The Rings movies.
Brandon - (Josh Brolin) - The son of actor James Brolin (who should play Billy Mays in the movie of his life), Josh had a rough go of things in the 90's but since the turn of the century, his career has exploded. With leading roles in movies like No Country For Old Men, W., and Milk (for which he was Oscar-nominated), and supporting roles in American Gangster, Grindhouse, and Hollow Man, he easily wins the Most Successful Goonie Award. As icing on the cake, he's also married to smokin' hot actress, Diane Lane, proving that you can have a monumentally successful acting career, despite Former Child Star Syndrome. So suck it, Dustin Diamond!
Data - (Ke Huy Quan) - Jonathan Ke Quan, as he now prefers to be called, has had quite a lucrative career since The Goonies. As a matter of fact, even before this movie, he was already on his way up in Hollywood, thanks to his first role as Short Round in Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom. Quan can now be seen as the young incarnation of Sulu in the new Star Trek movie... I totally made that up but you're such a racist for believing it! You didn't think twice about it, did you? Asian guy = Data from 'The Goonies' = Sulu from 'Star Trek' = Jackie Chan. Well they're NOT all the same guy, alright?! Actually, Quan only made those two movies and went to on to get his education in film from the University of Southern California. He's also done some behind-the-scenes work as a fight choreographer for the X-Men movies. And that part, i didn't make up. (That might explain Wolverine's 'Pinchers Of Power!' move...)
Mouth - (Corey Feldman) - Feldman went on to be the second most successful actor out of this film. In fact, according to IMDb, there were only 6 movies made between 1984 and 1988 that did not star Corey Feldman. Unfortunately, Corey's love of cocaine, being annoying, and dancing like Michael Jackson eventually led to his downfall. And unlike some other child stars who learned to take responsibility for their own actions, Feldman never really bounced back. He enjoyed some brief popularity recently when A&E aired a reality show starring himself and his 80's partner-in-crime, Corey Haim, called The Two Corey's. Here's an awesome video of Feldman that's gonna be the reason he gets his ass kicked when he goes back to jail for a drug-related charge.
Nothing says "I love you!" like screaming it in her face!
And if you were wondering whatever happened to the other Corey... Well, check out the link. Dude, Corey Haim is a dick!
Andy - (Kerri Green) - Kerri went on to star with the other Corey (Haim) in the movie Lucas and pretty much disappeared after that. She graduated from Vassar, got married, shit out some kids, and did a movie called Complacent that I'll never watch.
Stef - (Martha Plimpton) - Martha survived the 80's, fortunately. She continues to work in smaller roles in independent films and foreign movies nobody's seen. You've probably seen her on episodes of 'ER' as well 'Law & Order: SVU' and said to yourself, "I know her from somewhere..." She's doing just fine, thank you, and hasn't aged a day.
Chunk - (Jeff Cohen) - Jeff grew up, started playing football, lost a lot of weight, then went to UCLA law school. He's now an "entertainment lawyer" (I think those guys are the reason you have to pay to download music now) with his own firm in Los Angeles. Jerry O'Connell, he's not, but at least Chunk didn't default to hookers and blow like a lot of child stars. So suck it, Leif Garrett!
Sloth - (John Matuszak) - In case you didn't know this about Sloth, those are not his real facial features. I grew up believing this poor deformed man somehow managed to drag himself out of the basement he was confined to and into an audition for the only role he could ever play. Turns out John Matuszak was a defensive end for the Oakland Raiders from 1976-1981 and he helped them win two Super Bowls. Without any facial disfiguration. So I guess it was all makeup. Unfortunately, John passed away in 1989 from an apparent combination of too much Darvocet, a little cocaine, and a case of pneumonia. Watch for the scene where Sloth is wearing an Oakland Raiders shirt...
Overall: 10 out of 10. Duh. This movie is definitely up there in my Top 20. They just don't make 'em like this anymore. Recent attempts have only given us crap like Hotel For Dogs.
Best Scene: I know people are gonna argue this one with me. I'll get dozens of comments reminding me that indeed 'The Truffle Shuffle' is the best scene from this movie. I agree, The Truffle Shuffle is a classic but it seems to me like the easy laugh: Fat kid shaking his jelly rolls and grunting. Hahaha. But it's the Blender Confessional that makes me laugh so hard I wet myself...
"I wanna play the violin!"
What my wife said: ":) That's a fun movie. Like ferris bueller's day off." (via text message)
Who would enjoy this movie: Everyone! I can't think of a single person who hasn't seen this movie. It should be on the US Citizenship Test...
1) What was the cause of the American Civil War?
2) Each state has how many senators?
3) Why does Sloth love Chunk?
1) What was the cause of the American Civil War?2) Each state has how many senators?
3) Why does Sloth love Chunk?
Watch it if you like: Howard the Duck. The Explorers. Solar Babies. E.T. Cap-Sac's (it's a fanny pack... for your head!). Tight-rolled jeans. Words like "radical."
Next in the Q: Like I said in my last post, whatever I can get my hands on. Requests will always be considered first but until I get back to Omaha and to my Netflix account, I gets what I gets...
**Bonus: Awesome Goonies Fan Art!**
No comments:
Post a Comment