Little Shop Of Horrors

It's taken me a little while to get back into the swing of posting regular blogs. Allow me to make the following feeble, yet true, excuses for my lack of production...

1 - My daughter came to stay with us for the first part of the summer. Yeah... Still wanna complain? I'm a good Dad and you're just a selfish jerk who's like, "What the hell, Wes?!"

2 - I had to take a trip to Texas for some military training. Have to get my school on. And I can't get a video store membership anywhere down here. Seriously, Nebraska license plates in southern Texas means, "Fuck with me. I'm a stupid out-of-towner."

3 - Windows Vista is the biggest, smelliest, jerkface, operating system ever. Tell me if this is a helpful error message...

"Internet Explorer cannot access this website. Operation aborted."

or...

"Internet Explorer is shutting down. Microsoft is looking for a solution. No solution found."

And these were the error messages I was getting trying to access my own website. Whatever. Microsoft can suck a fat one. I finally figured out a way to get to my own website which I have ZERO problems accessing from my home computer (which is a Mac, by the way) but it involved downloading plugin's from the internet and paying some shady Persian guy to take my computer "to a fixer" and getting paid in unmarked bills.

This week's movie is one of my favorites from my childhood...

Theatrical Release: December 1986

Genre: Musical?! But Wes, you hate musicals...

Starring: Rick Moranis, Ellen Greene, Vincent Gardenia, Steve Martin AND Bill Murray (Both in the same scene?! My jaw might fall off from laughing so hard), and an evil 10-foot-tall carnivorous plant named Audrey 2 with a mouth bigger than Rosie Perez...

Overview: Seymour Krelborn (Rick Moranis) is a down-on-his-luck, loveable nerd who's head-over-heels for a girl he works with (Audrey) who has father issues and dates abusive dentists. When I say Seymour's a nerd, I'm not talking the trendy Weezer kind of nerd or a McLovin' kind where you're such a nerd you're cool, I mean the purebred, bad sweaters, into horticulture, plays D&D by himself, and is almost certainly a real-life 40-year-old virgin. Krelborn happens upon a strange and interesting plant one day after a mysterious total eclipse of the sun and when he displays the plant in the window of the flower shop he works at, he becomes a local celebrity. Seymour names his plant Audrey 2, after the pole dancer with the mousy voice he works with and is not-so-secretly in love with. Seymour quickly discovers that Audrey 2 doesn't grow with sunlight, Miracle-Gro, and some water but rather with a daily dose of Vitamin A negative. Audrey 2 is into drinking fresh blood. Audrey 1 is simply into handcuffs and Steve Martin. The bigger Audrey 2 gets, the more blood she needs and Seymour only has so many fingers he can poke and drain of blood so Seymour and Audrey 2 sing a song (one of many) about how killing people who deserve to die is OK as long as you feed them to Audrey 2 and keep the cash cow operational. One little murder becomes a quandry, Seymour and Audrey 1 sing about the star-crossed love, and Bill Murray plays a masochistic dental patient.

If you're my age and you never saw this movie as a kid, you might think that a musical about a giant talking, murderous plant and his asthmatic caretaker sounds flippin' retarded. But make no mistake, Little Shop Of Horrors is a pop culture icon for my generation. You know a movie has made it's mark in the world if it's recreated, nearly shot-for-shot, on Family Guy, as seen here...

Now I know some of you have read this blog in the past and are quite familiar with my low opinion of musicals so I'll say this about this movie... Music notwithstanding, this about the craziest, funniest, idea for a movie I could ever dream up. I think making this a musical actually adds to the film, rather than detracts from it. Think about it: If you had to take this movie seriously, at face value, about a giant man-eating plant from outer space and a subplot about an unfulfilled love interest, would you ask for your money back at the theater? "You betcha", to quote Marge Gunderson of the Brainerd sheriff's office. I also happen to remember these songs from when I was a kid so to me, it's sort of like the Sesame Street theme song. And who hates that? Lots of good memories of watching this movie, eating a PB&J, and cutting my sisters hair WAY too short when we were playing 'Barber.' But a little background on this movie should help here...

In 1960, Roger Corman made a B movie called The Little Shop Of Horrors with a budget of $30,000. It was shot over the course of two days and used bits and pieces of a set from a previous movie. Aside from starring a then-unknown Jack Nicholson in a bit part (that's him on the left, in the Tucker Carlson bowtie), the movie was all but forgotten but enjoyed its run in the circles of poorly made black-and-white horror movies from the 50's and 60's. The original also featured NO songs or choreographed hobos. Somewhere along the line, round about 1982, composer Alan Menken (whose biggest claim to fame is all of his Disney movie scores) got the bright idea to turn a great idea (flesh eating plant + love story) into an Off-Broadway play, replete with catchy showtunes and, finally, singing and dancing homeless people. Fast forward to 1986: Frank Oz (who directed The Dark Crystal!) decides he should make a feature film based on the musical based on the feature film. Oz carries some pretty big weight in Hollywood (after all, he is Yoda) so what we, the audience, get is a reunion of comedic all-stars (Rick Moranis, John Candy, Bill Murray, Steve Martin, Christopher Guest, and to a lesser extent, Jim Belushi).

So what's the final product? A movie with perfect casting that doesn't take itself too seriously, except for the songs. The cast I can't say enough good things about. Rick Moranis was the perfect choice to play Seymour, who more than likely has Asperger Syndrome. Steve Martin as the sadistic, abusive, nitrous-huffing dentist boyfriend? When he's on screen for the few moments he is, you can't take your eyes off him. He's just that fucking hilarious. Over the top acting, quick jerky movements, and that jet black hair all combine for my favorite character in the movie. The biggest surprise, though, is Ellen Greene (Audrey 1). I'm not a theater buff so I'd never seen her before this movie but the petite mousy little voice she speaks in is the perfect offset to her amazing singing ability. The contrast between the two seems to me to indicate that despite Audrey's slight, vulnerable exterior, inside of her is a passionate, bold woman. (I got all artsy fartsy there, didn't I?) The first song she sings, you'll ask yourself if she lip-synced the whole movie. The answer is 'no', that's her voice. But if you're not into Audrey's singing that much, you can't overlook her pushup bra. My God, those things should have their own song in this movie.

And after all my prattling on about this movie, I wouldn't be doing anyone a favor if I didn't mention the animatronics behind Audrey 2. I hadn't seen 'Little Shop Of Horrors' for a good 15 years or more until yesterday and I'm still scratching my head as to whether or not that giant singing, swearing plant is real. Audrey 2's movements are more lifelike than Nicolas Cage's. The plant has mouth movements to match the songs and not just big flapping hamburger buns to match the syllables, I'm talking little nuances of speech that are seamless. Hollywood can make a nearly lifelike robot plant but Microsoft can't get their shit together enough to give me a version of Windows Vista that doesn't keep shutting down my web browser? Here's a better idea: Turn over Microsoft's Research & Development department to Frank Oz. The next version of Windows might be a little Muppet-friendly (Today's version of Windows has been brought to you by the letters 'X' and 'P') but it also might give me a computer that talks to me and tries to help solve my problems. Instead of just sending another fucking error report to Whoknowswhereistan.

Overall: 9 out of 10. At just an hour and a half, I wanted a little more movie but I probably would've complained about how long this movie was if it were even 10 minutes longer. I don't know what I want.

Best Scene: This is a complete toss-up... It's either Steve Martin singing "I'm A Dentist" or the Bill Murray/Steve Martin sadism-meets-masochism scene. Here's both of them. Please to enjoy and choose your favorite...

What my wife said: My poor wife. I've been watching all these awesome movies without her. She was sweet enough to send me this movie while I'm in Texas and she included a dozen and a half homemade cookies. I promise we'll watch more movies together when I get back. Thanks, honey.

Who would enjoy this movie: Truthfully, not everyone, although it seems like people quietly come out of the woodwork to tell me they love this movie. They won't post it on Facebook or anything like that but they'll tell me in person. Except Casie. No one's been more excited for me to do a review than she is about this one. So who would enjoy this movie? Casie. And anyone else who's got the balls to publicly admit they love a movie about a talking plant.

Watch it if you like: This one's an anomaly. I don't think there are any movies that you can point to and say, "Oh, 'Little Shop Of Horrors'? It's kinda like..." It's kinda like nothing else at all.

Next in the Q: Whatever I can get my hands on. I'd like to go in order of The All-Powerful Request List but geographic and monetary constraints persist. I'll get to everyone still, don't worry.

Feed me, Seymour!