RoboCop

Theatrical Release: July 1987

Genre: Futuristic Robot Sci-Fi Crime Actiongasm

Starring: 

Peter Weller as Murphy

Peter Weller as RoboCop (aka Murphy's corpse)

Nancy Allen as Anne Lewis

Kurtwood Smith as Clarence Boddicker

Expectations: Midrange. They say "never meet your heroes" but I met RoboCop at a car show once when I was 9 or 10. More accurately, I met some first-year college theater major dressed up as RoboCop. And I could see the duct tape holding the suit together.

Stop! Or I'll turn off the air and involve you in a moderate speed chase!

Overview: In the future, the city of New Detroit is rampant with crime. Old Detroit having been completely leveled by riots in 2015 when the Pistons won the championship. In New Detroit, women are raped in broad daylight by knife-wielding mulletheads hopped up on a suitcase of Natty Light, murder is more common than um, non-murder, and the citizens routinely cough without covering their mouths. As with most problems in life, the only solution is, of course, robots. Or in this case, a cyborg comprised of some stainless steel and the likely slowly decomposing head of a former New Detroit police officer. He has a bigger gun, brass balls (literally), and drives a badass Ford Taurus. (Editor's note: There is nothing badass about a Ford Taurus). New Detroit better watch its ass. RoboCop's about to open a jar of baby food all over that town.

One thing I really like about RoboCop is that it's an original idea. There's nothing heavily borrowed from graphic novels or a Japanese movie/anime from the 80's. RoboCop is 100% 'Merican, as evidenced by all the gunplay and still more gunplay. A Japanese crossover version might involve time travel or a RoboCycle or incorporating some martial arts or... Wait, why would that suck? Directed by Paul Verhoeven (Total Recall, Starship Troopers, Basic Instinct), RoboCop takes a look at a society in what has to be something like the early 2000's, as it's falling apart faster than a game of Jenga with Michael J. Fox.


RoboCop opens with a news broadcast from da future, one where South Africa is nuclear and shoulderpads are still the height of fashion (for both men and women). New Detroit is a vision of a city near total chaos. The police force has been taken over by Omni Consumer Products (OCP), a private organization cashing in on the paramilitary-industrial complex. Think Halliburton. With robots. In order to put a stop to New Detroit's meth-fueled orgy of crime, OCP debuts the ED-209, an enormous robot with gatling guns for arms and Darth Vader's voicebox. Unfortunately, ED-209 tries too hard to make a good first impression, gets a little overzealous, and when your only method of communication is shooting 20mm high explosive incendiary rounds at people, well you can imagine that board meeting didn't go so well. Meanwhile OCP has another trick up their sleeve: RoboCop. All they need now is some cop to die in the line of duty so they can wedge what's left of him into a stainless steel suit and... Hey, guess what just happened to some guy named Murphy? Jackpot!

How to sell a movie.

The problem with setting any movie in the near future is that in a decade or so, people will be able to watch the movie again and laugh at Hollywood's predictions. There's a big difference between good sci-fi that forewarns of man's dependence on technology (think Philip K. Dick or Arthur C. Clarke) and the kind of sci-fi that Hollywood churns out just to show Sigourney Weaver in her underwear. And while I wouldn't categorically define RoboCop as futuristic sci-fi so much as an action flick, it's still set in a future close enough that you and I are probably living in the time RoboCop is supposed to have existed. So it's hard not to watch RoboCop and point out where they got things wrong and where they came pretty damn close on some predictions.

What They Got Right:

Americans love stupid TV shows - Even if you only saw RoboCop once, chances are you remember "I'd buy that for a dollar!" Who cares what the name of that show is? You can tell from the pointless catchphrase and scantily clad sluts that the same people who write "The Big Bang Theory" and "Two and a Half Men" write "I'd Buy That for a Dollar" in the RoboCop universe. I'm also pretty sure I saw someone watching "Jersey Shore" in New Detroit.

Buy it... For a dollar!

Outsourcing law enforcement - Surprisingly, this is becoming increasingly popular in cities like Oakland and New Orleans, where crime rates already reach New Detroit levels. No word yet on which city will be employing the ED-209 first.

The mall is now closed. You have 15 seconds to comply.

Cyborgs - Yes, cyborgs. Maybe we're not to the point where a human head can be transplanted onto a fully robotic body designed to fight crime and shoot a .50 caliber Desert Eagle at jaywalkers but we're getting there. There have been amazing advances in the field of prosthetics: robotic arms and legs that connect with nerves in the body and respond to the brain's electrical impulses, moving them just as easily and fluidly as a flesh-and-bone limb. Scientists have also succeeded in preventing seizures by using electronic implants directly into the freakin' brain that detect seizures before they happen and bathe the brain in ooey-gooey anti-seizure medicine. Robocop might be a mere decade away, just in time to recruit him to fight for the humans when the machines become self aware. 

With optional handgun attachment.

Of course, for every nearly accurate vision of the future in a futuristic movie, there are dozens more laughable predictions and technological oversights. It never hurts to bring in some technical experts to advise on up and coming technologies or trends in law enforcement, rather than just supposing what the future of policing will hold because it'd be "pretty fucking awesome if everyone wore black and had lasers, fuck yeah, lasers!"

What They Got Wrong:

No cell phones - Maybe it's generational but I'm painfully aware of the lack of cell phones in every movie I watch made before 2000. Problems like passing along some vital information to MacGuyver can always be easily solved with a quick call to his iPhone, provided someone hasn't rigged it to an IED. Sure RoboCop was released in 1987, but so was Wall Street. And nearly a decade of bag phones and big gray Motorola monsters followed but if Gordon Gekko had the foresight to invest in a cell phone, couldn't Paul Verhoeven see the writing on the wall? RoboCop didn't need to have 4G or a Bluetooth (like an asshole) in his shiny helmet but some form of instant communication seems like a given in any dystopian vision of the future.

"It's a tickle in my throat. Should I worry?"

Where are the computers? - I can almost understand a lack of cell phones in da future. Even the brightest minds of sci-fi couldn't have imagined the global hard-on the world today has for devices that allow us to play Angry Birds. But when you realize Verhoeven's millenial America doesn't have computers anywhere other than inside RoboCop, it feels a little lazy. Not just a missed target, like portraying computers as massive megalithic machines that take up a gymnasium, but to leave them out completely is like saying "Computers? Those are just a fad. I don't see any practical purpose for them in the future." And you know they have computers in New Detroit because, well, RoboCop.

Less computing power than my coffee maker.

Non-lethal weapons in law enforcement - No tasers, no rubber bullets, no guns that shoot nets, no light sabers, not even a handful cricket bats are considered for the police force of New Detroit. Just guns and robots with guns. Even RoboCop, who's bulletproof, goes right for his enormous sidearm first when apprehending a criminal. Never mind that he could walk right up to someone while they're emptying their clip on him and subdue them. Nope. In the future, cops shoot bigger, badder guns and ask questions later. And judging by ED-209's mini-guns-for-arms, that trend isn't going to reverse itself.

Soon to be replacing the red light cameras.

RoboCop is still a good standalone movie. Peter Weller's robotic movements are either flawlessly executed or it was a real metal suit and it took every ounce of his strength to move in it. Either way, the RoboCop presence is menacing and original. Combine the underrated sound effects of his motions and the above-par musical score of the film, and RoboCop stands out as a decent movie, despite some of it's shortcomings. The movie might not stand the test of time but very few movies about the future ever do. And yes, as much as I love Back to the Future, I'll still be one of those peckerheads on November 5th, 2015 (which is exactly four years from today, oddly enough) running around with my checklist yelling "Where's my hoverboard, Robert Zemeckis? Where are my self-lacing shoes and flying cars?!" But I digress... RoboCop isn't a movie about da future so don't get too wrapped around the axle about the stuff that is and isn't accurate (that's what I'm for). It's a movie about robots with human heads who have guns embedded into their thighs and stab Red from That 70's Show right in the throat with a chrome knuckle spike. Which is all pretty badass.

Best Scene: Say what you will but I'll never forget this one. Which reminds me, I need to get some windshield washer fluid...

Likely Porn Spin-off Title: RoboCock.  

RoboCop Trivia: Peter Weller gots a big ol' brain. After he was implanted with RoboCop's super computer brain, he went on to get a Master's degree in Roman and Renaissance Art from Syracuse University, where he teaches a course in ancient history. He's also completing his Ph.D at UCLA in Italian Renaissance art history. In short, Peter Weller is Tom Hanks character in The Da Vinci Code.  

Overall: 7 out of 10. I friggin' love RoboCop. But aside from a cyborg cop oozing with vengeance, there's a lot about this movie that seems hastily written. Cops going inside an abandoned factory alone to arrest coke-fueled, shotgun-wielding career criminals, hand grenades that explode entire houses, and in the final scene, RoboCop blasts some guy out the window of a skyscraper. The only reaction from the room? The friendly smirk from the CEO. "Shucks, that's our soulless killing machine, RoboCop. What a scamp!" the smirk seems to say. Freeze frame. Roll the credits while the Family Matters theme plays in the background.


If you can get past the vision of RoboCop without his helmet on, which is downright creepy, most of this movie is enjoyable. It's bloody, it's got cool effects, a great score, and a future society falling apart is always fun to watch. So enjoy RoboCop! And pretend there were never ever any sequels made...

Yuck... I'm pretty sure this was a Garbage Pail Kid.

Oh! Before closing, take a moment to appreciate the amazing work of one of my favorite artists, Joseph Griffith. And while unfortunately you can't buy this print anymore, he has many other equally mind-blowing prints for sale on his website, which you can link to here.